what matters?

what I feel is I cannot afford anything that there is in tech world, and I am doing research, I cannot even afford equipment for research, and nothing is substantial yet, i.e. running smoothly robustly so it can be useful for a human being and push the frontiers and reach of what is imagined ,

news spreads fast, the production does not, and the feeling of working with outdated gadgets kicks in, which lowers morale, meanwhile also those who use state of the art tech push forward, rich gets richer, poor gets more poorer, ofc the manufacturing is fast, but then only the feeling of utility remains which depends on the provider for issues and maintanence, and all of this directly contradicts with the imagined reality of say having an isolated self governing colony in space, where all the equipments must be created from scratch from the provided stuff, like having a magic machine, text2matter, input is the description of text, and output is the physical resource itself.

I spent years to catch up with the latest, and it turns out now that the mainstream latest things in the world are still out of reach, never seen, idea of whose only spread through news, and once a thing is made in the world, you are not the creator of it, this ofc largely reduces the new upcoming ideas, but also many ideas just stay ideas to locality and never become global in this say global dictionary that everyone can just understand.
World is already that you could wish for something, and if you could afford it, you could have it, only if you knew (but you and I don’t) and neither there is a global database which lists all the items that there are in the world,

maybe this also makes the life challenging and the feelings there of of achieving something that is unattainable by many can be there, but again,when a person feels good about its own achievements?, my mind feels restless that it never has a fixed goal, it always moves and goals shift, and time passes, with me experiencing things as it comes (and not necessarily what I desired or wanted), well this is life as they say it…

another issue my mind faces is the reach of all things from a centerpoint of consciousness in mind, i.e. you could, with little resistance, access all knowledge of all kinds without a personal barrier in thoughts, which people, say, find difficult for e.g. thinking about vastly another topic like say biology, when doing say physics, (ofc, many train to do both and can recall both, but there are many detailed things, in all),

also why does experience of watching from an movie through an idea, feels different from when you achieve it and are at the place, or maybe I have never achieved my dreams that I would ever know of it…

also, in 2020, I had a vision, I felt as if I was on terraformed venus, with some magical technology existing, but we also had an spaceport, since travelling through teleportation was still in stages, but earth was half consumed, in war and destruction, while other half was still there, but most of others those few remained, had to go to venus or mars..

meanwhile, there was also this conscious feeling that machines felt sentient, that feeling also came with comet Neo going across the sky, as if mind was stimulated by other worldly looking information (which might just be new experience of mine), but again the feeling as if earth was alive and one came for the first time to me in my life, maybe it happens every year, when after harsh winter, the spring takes the magic and the life force flows through, stimulating the newness, i had visions, and some have also seen reality but not exactly, but the dread of war carries on, its hard to tell if your mind is affecting the universe or the universe from future affecting the mind (which is in turn the prediction of the world on the known universe laws, in present) , all reality in all time maybe fixed, or not, but experience seem to be entangled, but again, if there is no past and future but only present (which is most likely true). But future and past as if the vibrations transcend the space-time, or just space and are predicted in the conscious sentience in brain as a mere thoughts as they work on the knowledge of the world,

meanwhile on terraformed venus, the glass ceiling is now the sky,
..

universe in sync