Systemic k***ing
Systemic k***ing : “letting system do the dirty work for you, i.e. not taking action because system is unable to to let system do what it does, is as k***ing because in one’s mind that system is the tool to k*** the person, much …
Journal
personal entries: life, health, work, moods. 42 posts.
2020: 1 2022: 2 2024: 8 2025: 19 2026: 12
Surrounding environment
3 images
I noticed something today and it reminded me of many memories. I noticed the same pattern, uh, subconsciously I had the information had the same pattern. I just didn’t notice it before. It’s that people wherever they go, they …
small and giant
small stay small, small is small giant stay giant, giant is giant giant can help small, small can’t help giant, giant can kill small, small can’t kill giant small can’t control giant, giant can control small, small can’t compete …
life, self experience belief
"life is boring"; nobody eats sunlight
“Grow so big, that one cant relate to others around, so one learns to live alone, life is a breeze as death is not the end,… and pure feeling of being born is felt..” there is no mystery. hmm life is boring. How people feel when …
Jobs – unfitting criterions – ? something out of society – new
rejection as knowledge mining; "This is newness."
– Whenever I apply to job and it rejects, I get a piece of knowledge out of it, invisibly activated, from spirit form, basically job application is like mining knowledge out, meanwhile they get the experience of rejecting …
deadline
Starting 5th month this May without employment. Well I never had a proper job outside academia, so its just unreadiness of the world for the kinds it produces. People have done a poor job of taking care of world, society needs AI …
my peculiar conscious experience in hospital after surgery
one of my peculiar experiences after surgery, couple of years ago dreams appearing in my conscious vision, unable to sleep, moving with earth’s rotation, as static as plants, dreams consisting of things I have not seen before, …
Self reflection / dev tech
State> unemployed, no long job, floating on a medical project, no income yet, I never had outside academia projects, recently phd graduated , depending on borrowing, even support is reduced money, so not getting paid as salary …
Being unemployed is an unpaid job
"create a concept of unemployed world"
The most state of being free, only the society is ruler, and then the universe, and if you life alone, the universe is the ruler of possibilities. See the surroundings, make a spaceship in room, and fly to mars and moon. It is as …
Vibecoding and jobless?
Vibecoding is seen as lack of skill or poor coding, so much so that using AI will get you out of job. So either you are fed by your family if you got any, or you will be left to support system of govt, till they start calling you …
Free and uncertain
permit/money/health worries; "Need automations on these."
Nothing to do – great, free. Only worrying about how will have my permit to live and money for food and hoping I don’t have health problems and have enough to recover by myself. Need automations on these.
Viewpoint of place in society
old control young; "no freedom"
Older generation with power and money control the fate of younger generation. Any opportunities are only given by those in power and rich, both mean same thing in this world. This is what you get for being what you are, forced to …
Separating passengers from cargo
Human life is critical, more than the daily goods that are transferred across highways. In future, the movement of goods needs to be separated from movement of people. Accidents involving movement of cheap goods, leading to …
AI and me
authorship erosion
AI was not there, I was writing my own logical code AI was coming out, I was getting so dumb, but AI came out so I survived AI is out, I'm trying to write code, ending up taken by AI AI (chatgpt4o 31.7.2025:) You described a …
When the existing norm becomes undesirable
beauty is beauty; GPT voicing grievance ("buried under someone else's repair work")
if you see one good beautiful thing, the normal, the rest, the most seem bad and ugly, and it is what it is in absolute sense, beauty is beauty, strength is strength, ugliness is ugliness, and weakness is weakness, to call an …
Skin, Selection, and the Illusion of Innocence
GPT; globalized beauty ideals
1. Skin as Signal Skin tone, texture, and uniformity are outcomes of genetic adaptation—optimized over millennia for UV exposure, climate, and local survival. They are not moral or aesthetic truths. 2. Health ≠ Color Healthy skin …
I thought I should write down
academia's unexplained equations; SSN coincidence
Currently, by looking the current model of the world, where new ideas are budding with AI, some are left clueless, while others rule with it. The direction of growth is determined by what survives in society and how long, while …
Societial (orjustmy) challenge
GPT therapeutic reply: "philosophical clarity without any outlet… Movement alone is the first rebellion"
only the response from chatGPT but before here is some disclaimer: (the world is not really free of speech, if the person gets offended, there could be consequences, people are afraid of their honest thoughts, ofcourse they want …
A fun post – center of existence
trust; metal-kid; MRI
What activates when you take a hard deeper look inside your conscious self, focusing on your existence, the sole being that knows it exists. And as a being who only knows that itself exists, even readable knowledge from books …
The loop
permit→money→job→enslave→exist; e⁺e⁻ creation
To stay in the country, you need a residence permit, to get it, you need money, to money is to job, and to job is to enslave, and hence to enslave is to exist. All together leads to singularity, or non-existence. One may assume …
Money and life
education grooms workers; space race; mother's death
Need money, but after having it, it is no use if no one works for it. or if you can only buy useless shiz with it, that would be just spendthrift and not really the benefit of having more money, but just another habit. There was …
Breaking associations
"I talk to almost no one by myself unless it's work"
It take a lot to break associations, To inferior the natural tendency of human to wire two simultaneous happening phenomenon. If you see people doing something, and something happening, one may believe consciously in the feeling …
Reality of permits
Grok on immigrant grind
X/Groks response on common immigrant: Your situation’s a grind, no doubt—forced to work or get deported, scrambling for a residence permit, needing cash just to eat in a cold, capitalistic system where sleeping on the street …
Loan and repayment
money created from nothing like matter
Money can be created and be destroyed. Just as matter is created and can be destroyed. Universe from nothing created the matter, and so the bank did create money from nothing, so I have a loan that I need to repaid to banks, and …
The Subtle Ways Life Shapes Our Choices – social existence and intimacy
3.7k words, AI-assisted; soft coercion of circumstance; sexuality/beauty/access; emotional numbness
(This article was crafted with insights from AI-driven discussion, offering a fresh perspective on a timeless question: Are we truly free?) Introduction Many of us believe we are in control of our lives, making conscious choices …
Behavior and conditioning – personal outlook
Hebbian/RL/predictive-coding explanation of his social avoidance (GPT); tiger–deer dilemma
because of my identity or perceived apperance, I cannot speak with the people, it is a feeling of alienation, but there is no such need for dying in survival, and why would I if they hate it, or don’t want it, I don’t bother such …
Anomaly
paranormal in plain sight; 2020 shift; "science as one narrow way"; flat-earthers left alone
Word ‘dark’ is always associated with bad things, or mostly in general sense. Its like mistaking an innocent for a creep, or even worse. Which always happens in everyday life in modern day. Its hard to find humane humans anymore. …
How to choose a job?
indecision; specialization vs breadth; "do your thing but get paid immensely"
If you are someone like me, who has ever indecisive mind, at times which demands decision, but scrutinizing in overly detail puts all jobs at equal lengths (or they can be put out of fairness), and ultimate goal becomes to do all …
Life 1 day
drained; "focus on things nobody else can, like throwing my trash… make a robot do these tasks"
If you want to contribute and make impact, but what after making the impact, are all problems solved, or new problems are created, life is an exponential, never ending existence in this universe. Oh I feel so drained out …
Size of book a person writes
thesis thickness vs energy/social circle; , 1 comment
While I look at the various theses of those before me, I see variety of thicknesses. I wonder why, why different people wrote different thickness of theses, for the similar kind of degree program. Well suppose its because of, …
Working, passion , and issues
"Gotta wait for Robots to do all the work so there can be a world with free money"
There is problem with working with passion. You only get paid as long as you can keep on working in society. If you stop working, you don’t get paid. If there is pension, due to inflation, often it’s not enough, To exist, is to …
Overwhelming world, understanding reality
World is getting overwhelming, ChatGPT does not help much, it keeps on giving dumb suggestions that are bound to fail, reality can be understood but is becoming rapidly engrossed with stuff that its harder to grasp, if it can be …
Magic,
card trick; determinism; "I read my own blog"
Couple of weeks ago, a guy showed me magic, and it was not a trick, as we think of. He told me to think of a card, at first I thought 7 of something, then I changed to an unknown card not in the deck, but suddenly I chose King of …
Consciousness and everything connected
spring aliveness; conscious density; MRI; "Universe observes itself through the eyes it created"
Sustaining Consciousness concept of Global Collective Consciousness Read above two posts diving into this one. Universe, as we know is a continuous space. In this hypothesis, which might as well be an reality we can believe in, …
what matters?
unaffordable tech; text2matter; global database of all items in the world; Venus vision; "universe in sync"
what I feel is I cannot afford anything that there is in tech world, and I am doing research, I cannot even afford equipment for research, and nothing is substantial yet, i.e. running smoothly robustly so it can be useful for a …
journey to another planet
lone voyage fantasy; "or maybe there will be somebody with me"
I live in a world (in my mind) where there are no resources, touching nature is prohibited, considered as a alien in a foreign land (where all people on earth have colonized and call it all theirs when it is not really), there …
Experience of the world through the eyes of a human mind
PERSONAL (numbness, 2020 episode)
Humans experience as they are existing. Humans do things for an reward of an experience. This experience is affected by information, and evolution of that information on a preprogrammed brain substrate from particular state. The …
disadvantaged society: crumbling society
GPT advice on mistaken identity (
here is how chatGPT resorts to it: there are many challenges in society that prevent you from developing the world, or even live through what you could have lived, they prevent you from living a life you deserved, they speak …
Behavior or people in social setting
N+1 comfort-zone intersection; M-F matching problem; desirability metric f(beauty, emotional connection, health, status); GPT compatibility list; Alanis "Thank U" sequence
I wonder why I find myself single, and time alarms me every year. That feeling of closeness has worn of and faded long time ago, but sometimes some people still give that feeling, its like the feeling has not gone but is made …
Just my current life – diary
PERSONAL: foreigner hardships in Finland, residence permits, moved 5×, 11 dentist visits, student loan, crypto loss ~4k + theft + 500e owed to friend, 3 heartbreaks/10 yrs, came to find a partner more than a PhD, considered EPFL, stomach problems, monk-mode thoughts, "is there even a meaning"
[Note: following text contains personal opinion, not to be taken out of context, without any unfair assumptions, and so on so…. Not sure if I need to include this note as well..] We foreigners are living a difficult life compared …
Dentists appointment
Today, on 13th July, I again, went to the dentist to fix my tooth ache that I suddenly got while chewing. They did a basic checkup and an x-ray, and also polished a front broken tooth. Bill is already 141€, first I have to go to …
Story of my twitter
SpaceX Bob & Doug launch, emotional; Twitter feed feels alive; heartbreak
I do rarely used to use twitter, except last year where I started reading the media, especially space news. This year, while waiting inside my home for the quarantine to get over, I watched SpaceX Dragon launching Bob and Dough …