Self reflection / dev tech

State>

unemployed,
no long job, floating on a medical project, no income yet, I never had outside academia projects, recently phd graduated , depending on borrowing, even support is reduced money, so not getting paid as salary yet,there is limited finances, can’t do much money things, , only have laptop and other cool limited inventory of metaquest3, xreal glasses, rpi5, LLM8850 model,
while news is always stressy and prices pushing up, where is the discipline of society, where is their empathy, where is their sense of righteousness, where is their humaniy..

while I don’t worry about my genes and how good of a bio-mechanical being I am, as time is passing fast I might start worrying about it soon, although good are my cells at regenerating and healing and recovering after taking action for the day, time will pass and I will get old, for both body-motion, and mind-motion, good are my teeth so I can eat, and all the systems which I don’t worry about, what can it successfully live through, if exist in this 3d-delta reality (existence in space along flow).

but I need free time, time devoid of any commitment, secure time devoid of minor or major threats, to see past the the few things in reality in which I live in, while waiting for that feeling and reality to strike into real world,which I know exist or is sensed by my mind.

I somehow find my schedule more stricter than ever, due to limitations of mind, no thoughts, meditate steady exist all day, entire year, … perhaps its fragile reality of life, or sustaining and chasing of an idea in reality..