Behavior or people in social setting

I wonder why I find myself single, and time alarms me every year. That feeling of closeness has worn of and faded long time ago, but sometimes some people still give that feeling, its like the feeling has not gone but is made more distant. The distance in mathematical space of feelings to that desired feelings is big.

Sometimes I wonder why I find myself behaving the way I do in social setting, to approach the person of interest or I hold back on the basis of it as not interesting enough. Usually, as I think and come across this as other’s attitude as myself knows it towards an intended action dictates action of the self me.

In a population of N+1 people in an social setting, with N other people and 1 self, there is some expectation of reality of each other person, and in common intersection of expectation of reality of all N people lies the comfort zone where permissible things are possible. But here is the catch, the way I know the comfort zone vs what is their comfort zone can be different everytime. But once you get to know certain people, then the comfort zone can shift. Its natural for people to follow the crowd as it gives them incentive to do by keeping them company of like-doers, in unity, there is no fear of the crowd. However, personal growth is private, and most things in relationship are. Even if people are aware of all the things, bringing them up at the casual conversation can be risky. Another challenge to such settings is that its a dynamic setting where expectations are governed by moods which can shift rapidly or slowly.

Another problem in society for some people is that people do not find the right way of doing things, that the way they should approach what could be their potential future partner. Undesirable people get blocked out with the person they desire, this is due to expectation of other’s on the self. most rejections are okay, but not all, and after all in relationships people can straightaway think of jumping to 4 billion other potential partner, or morally a billion of them, however, the matching of them and seeing them establishing their lives can be a long process, often because of the uncertainty in the minds of the people for people they don’t desire that much as some other person who may actually wants to avoid them.

In an attempt to find right way of doing things, the individual may observe the society, but again, if you are unique in a sparse locality, following others to learn the behavior might actually not work due to differences. Also, if everybody or anybody desired and approached the person suiting you, only so you could learn to do the same doesn’t work. Learning through observation does not work, it simply complicates or destroys things further. Society tries to avoid all kinds of oppression on individuals, but when it comes to relationships, simply people can be king and queen of their own world, … but donno whats right or wrong, and I still haven’t the answer, and I hope its not a life long quest.

Major goals of any relationship can be devised on the bare minimum basis of continual existence of species while preserving the soul of each individual providing them with best experience of life. While individuals can have strong selection criterion if they are self governed, but some times selections are constrained due to other close relations. The problem can be defined as follows, there exist, M male, F females, and relationships can exist in various forms, but standard for evolving species is M(s)-F(s) pairs for the progeny, unless we devise a way to fuse multiple genomes or be able to program genes as mix from the population, or code them on the characteristic level.
Although, some individuals may not have strong selection criterion and are open to most people, and its likely that those would end up early in relationship, but also it may due to culture or similarity in any form, but also up to an chance of having it first.

Although I know nothing of relationships as I have never been in any as such, and this post is an reflection on thought of it to simplify it. But here is another thing, the selection criterion can involve many aspects, and a metric which can be formed for it can be

Metric desirability = f ( beauty aesthetic, emotional connection, body health strength characteristics, social status and position in society)

Metric success relationship = f(mutual agreement, surrounding constraints, ‘happy’ index), but what do I know, here is a gist from ChatGPT4 LLM

1. Intellectual Compatibility: Sharing ideas and growing together intellectually.
2. Values and Ethics: Aligning core values, morals, and ethics.
3. Empathy and Understanding: Understanding and empathizing with each other’s perspectives.
4. Trust and Security: Ensuring both fidelity and emotional reliability.
5. Supportive Communication: Clear expression of needs, active listening, and healthy conflict resolution.
6. Shared Goals and Values: Compatibility in life goals, beliefs, and interests.
7. Personal Growth and Independence: Fostering individual growth while maintaining personal independence.
8. Physical and Emotional Intimacy: Ensuring sexual compatibility and comfort with physical affection.
9. Respect and Equality: Mutual respect and equal partnership in decision-making.
10. Adaptability: Flexibility in facing life’s changes and challenges.
11. Financial Harmony: Aligning financial goals and spending habits.
12. Social and Family Dynamics: Navigating the influence of family and friends.
13. Cultural and Lifestyle Compatibility: Aligning cultural backgrounds and lifestyle choices.
14. Long-Term Aspirations: Sharing long-term goals like career and family planning.

but whatever it is, being the genuine yourself can be the foremost thing.

also, here is from a song thank U, by Alanis Morissette , the response of ChatGPT4 on how the sequence is related : terror-disillusionment-frailty-consequence-silence

1. Terror: This is often the initial reaction to a traumatic or deeply distressing event. It represents extreme fear or anxiety, possibly triggered by a threat or a shocking experience.
2. Disillusionment: Following the initial shock and terror, there may be a phase of disillusionment. This involves a loss of trust or belief in what was previously held to be true or reliable. It’s a realization that things are not as they seemed, which can be deeply unsettling.
3. Frailty: As the impact of the terror and disillusionment sets in, a sense of frailty or vulnerability may emerge. This reflects a recognition of one’s own limitations, weaknesses, or the fragile nature of one’s circumstances or of life itself.
4. Consequence: This term suggests an acknowledgment of the results or aftermath of the initial event and the subsequent emotional responses. Consequences can be internal (such as emotional scars or changed perspectives) or external (such as changes in relationships or circumstances).
5. Silence: The sequence culminates in silence, which could signify a few different things. It might represent a calm after the storm, a resigned acceptance, a lack of something left to say, or an inability to express feelings. Alternatively, it could symbolize a period of reflection, processing, or healing.